As the train I was on approached Arbroath I noticed a large structure
down near the shore bearing the sign, 'PLEASURELAND'. This, was
worrying. For the word 'pleasure' reminded me of a childhood holiday at
Arbroath, and a 'Pleasure Cruise' that saw us feeding the fishes of the
sea our stomach contents. It was a cruise that was meant to take in the
caves, but there was such a vicious swell that we wouldn't be going
anywhere near rocks. So we just bounced up and down instead. At one
point someone shouted out, 'Look! A whale!' We all tried to look, but
one minute the horizon was way up there, the next it was way down there,
and every so often the front of the boat would rise out of the water as
if launching itself vertically and then crash down to an accompaniment
of excited squeals and groans of anguish. Mom was so bad that she had to
lie down in the boat. I turned my head to look to my sister for
reassurance and found she had adopted a fists- and teeth-clenched
expression of considerable resolve. As Mom lay there, quietly leaking
stuff and thinking she had had quite enough pleasure for one day, thank
you, she honestly thought they would have to deploy a crane to get her
out of the boat and back onto dry land. So, you will understand when I
say that the prospect of more Arbroath 'pleasure' was something that
sent a shiver down my spine and a gurgle in my gut. But I needn't have
worried, for Arbroath is a lovely place, and being bounced up and down on the North
Sea is not obligatory.